What Narcissists Do To You - The Traits And Tendencies Of A Narcissist.

We all have aspects of narcissism in our personalities. We all have the need and desire to be seen, heard and know that we matter. We want to be loved, appreciated, cared for and valued. We are not all on the far end of that scale where you cannot feel or care for anyone else.

So in short the list that follows is not everything that there is, it is not saying that it is one or the other. Narcissism is a common thing that has varying degrees, and multiple combinations. Think of your local sandwich deli – they all have bread, but the fillings….there is loads to choose from, some have salad some don’t and you squeeze your own sauce. Everyone leaves with a sandwich – but they aren’t all the same.

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Bully – This one preys upon other people’s weaknesses and can spot a crack in your persona in an instant. They will find ways to use anyone who could serve a purpose for them, and language is a bitter poison. They will say anything, however nasty, to get a reaction from you - the reaction is a good supply. They are arrogant and critical.

Being Entitled: They must be the only ones. If God walked the earth – it would be this person, and as such the usual rules don’t apply. Queuing – no thanks, monotonous tasks – for everyone else. Is unaccountable for everything, and you will owe them a favour for anything that they do.

Vain: Show me the moneeeyyy – yes all things material. What can be shown off and presented to the world, to demonstrate that they are better than everyone else. This is all about prestige, showing success, superficial things that show they are the ‘in’ crowd. Being seen at the right places, with the right people, driving the right car, the house and will get into debt for it if necessary…

In pursuit of Pleasure: It’s all about me. Instant gratification without thinking about consequences. A narcissist will cheat, and lie to get what they want when they want it. Sex, drugs, alcohol can be used however they deem necessary to please them. They may coerce you and get you (or anyone else) to do things you don’t want in and out of the bedroom if it pleases them.

Covert: This is sly. The kind that will talk about you, to someone else and know you can hear everything that is being said, but the words won't mean anything to the other party – it will be just enough to dig at you, if you respond you ‘look’ like you are overreacting.  They are subtle and secretive, and you can be punished and controlled with silence.

Malignant: Just plain nasty. This behaviour is calculating and cold. Other people are easily replaceable, expendable and there will be no remorse for your suffering.

Victim mode: This type manipulates you because they are the victim. So helpless, and only you can help them. Life has been really hard to them and what has happened is not their fault (remember no accountability/responsibility?) No matter what you do, it will never be enough and they will find something to complain about. Please help me more….. don’t leave me, what will I do without you?

Know – it all – this type thinks they ae walking talking Wikipedia. They don’t need advice, or guidance from anyone because they know everything already. This behaviour will dish out unwanted advice, will not listen and is argumentative. They love a good conversation where they can disagree with you and put you in your place.

Seducer: This trait is super charming, and loves receiving attention, being pandered too. They will objectify and sexualise others, the love bombing will usually be followed by ghosting. This one will not commit and probably has plenty of other options to go to when you are not giving the type of attention they desire.

Theatrical: This type is very extreme. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Happier than anyone else could possibly be ever, to the saddest thing imaginable. Very dramatic and will over play everything.

Perfectionism: A trait that gets easily annoyed and impatient. Nothing will ever have been good enough, even if it is good. They expect better.

Borderline Narcissist: Everything is all or nothing. I hate you or I love you. Putting you on a pedestal or dragging you down to size. Needy or angry you exist.

Sociopath: No regard for rules, or authority. Will lie and exploit to get what they want.

Psychopath: Literally no regard for human dignity, they have no conscience, likely to be violent. A brutal, angry trait.

These are all some traits that you will find on the spectrum. And as with the sandwich shop analogy – not everyone has the same filling or those that do, the quantities vary. The flavour is different.

I hope that was a useful way of seeing some of these traits, and making them easier to digest and understand.

If you liked this article or found it useful, please forward it to a friend or someone who you think this might help.

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