When you've had enough, read this.
When you've had enough, you can forget why you started. We’ve all been there.
It felt great at the beginning, motivated and on fire, but then it gets hard, and we start thinking, “I can’t” “I won’t be able to..” and the excuses come creeping in. Starting a business is a prime example
The dreams, the vision, the mission and the desire to change things and have an impact are huge. Alluring and desirable. The freedom that will come. But often, the journey to getting there can be so hard and can be filled with unexpected terrain: drama, rollercoasters of emotion and eruptions of self-doubt.
When you've had enough, and you want to walk away for a break, relief, and respite, one word I want to say to you is "pause".
I used to say (when I first wrote this 8 years ago in 2016) that the simplest thing was to be present in what you are doing and what you are trying to achieve and to stop predicting the future.
This of course, can be true for lots of situations.
For example, if you aren't speaking up in a meeting when you have got valid stuff to add because that internal voice is telling you that you are not smart enough to contribute, then yeah, you need to find a way to stop those negative thoughts that are bull shit.
A lot of situations would come under this umbrella. Perhaps I should dive deep into this in another article. (Brain whirring occurring!)
When you can do that, be present I mean, achieving your goals is a whole lot easier. What I am about to share with you can be applied to just about anything—your work, your home life, personal achievements, etc.
Whatever you are attempting to do, your mind needs to be on your side. Otherwise, you will inevitably end up giving up. For example, losing weight is not complex; the process is simple. But it is not easy; it's hard and can be a long journey.
If you are doing it right, it doesn't have to be painful. Get your head in the game, focus and think right.
But when you've had enough in your own business, it's a bit different because the stakes are different.
This is where the "Pause" comes in. When you've had enough, it can feel like just jacking everything in and running away could be the easiest thing to do, you can work from anywhere being an adult phone line operator, can't you? Asking for a friend...
Take stock of what you have done. Inevitably your inner voice is telling you that you're shit and no good at what you do; otherwise, you wouldn't be struggling and feeling this way.
Let me tell you, your inner voice is a bit of a witch sometimes. Not everything she tells you is true.
So you pause.
Take honest notes.
Ask for help.
3 steps when you've had enough to get out of your funk:
I mentioned these above - Pause, Be Honest with yourself, ask for help.
Pause because you just need to give yourself a minute to assess your surroundings.
It's not literal, but what is going on in your mind and your body. What are you saying to yourself, how is that making you feel, and how are those feelings causing you to behave? Because, like it or not, you are in a cycle that will be feeding back, expanding and proving you right at every revolution.
Be honest with yourself
In the original article, I used this space to share an example about weight loss and one about trauma recovery. Its something that many people can relate to, and it's still valid, but I want to share how to dive in even more in relation to today's world, and you business owners who I know now read this blog.
There are 4 important phrases that I want you to bring into your world:
I am, I Do, I Deserve, I Know.
Let's see those old example and how that played out:
- I am eating the right foods. Let's face it: if you are honest with yourself, then you know whether you are or not. Lying to yourself only hurts you, no one else really cares.
- I do the work. Again you know if you are putting the effort in. Be real about it.
- I deserve to lose weight. If you don't believe you deserve to achieve it then how are you ever going to do it?
- I know I am doing a great job. Really know that you are. It's a journey.
- I know I am doing a great job. Really know that you are. It's a journey.
This can be applied to much more difficult situations as well though. For instance PTSD / Trauma recovery is something I am very passionate about, but those who are suffering with trauma can find it difficult to apply this thought process. That traumatising event is still with you daily, it’s with you at night-time. You might be thinking “How can you possibly begin to think in such a way?” especially if guilt, or shame is present.
When we work together though, I can help you bring about fundamental changes in your thinking patterns, and you begin to realise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is life after the ‘event’. That of course is only one step in the process, but it is a vital step that we take together to recover from PTSD.
When you have survived a traumatic event, and are living and breathing but not really living life, you might not be able to even get your head around how much impact this can have for you.
This is a good example for someone who works with me, using various techniques including hypnotherapy for PTSD / trauma recovery:
I Am, I Do, I Deserve, I Know
- I AM still here / I Am Alive. This is true, it is honest. No one can deny it. I am a survivor.
- I DO my homework; I do put the effort in. You learn valuable techniques in session, for example to build resilience, emotional strength, and confidence; you need to apply those outside of the therapy room too.
- I DESERVE to be happy. I deserve to recover fully. You absolutely do. If you feel any blame or guilt about what happened to you, we work on managing those and changing the way you feel about it so you honestly believe you do deserve to come out shining.
- I KNOW I am on the right path. Knowing that every step you are taking, is taking you in the right direction. There’s no ‘will’ or ‘want’ about it. If you keep telling yourself you want to do something or will do something, you are not actually doing it. You just keep on wanting or willing it to happen. Commit to a plan of action that is going to work for you, and know that every time you achieve your milestone you are doing it.
Oh my I even sound different in my old writing style. I like to think I have evolved and things are better now - feel free to let me know, but only if you've got good things to say 😂
What about business, though.. I've had enough how do I get past that?
Alrighty, you've paused, now you apply honesty:
I am good at my skills. I really am. I'm well trained, I am experienced and I know I have a lot to offer, and if you have been in business a while and going through a rough patch, you know how much of a difference you make in your customer's life.
I do need to take an objective look at what is happening. Did I really do enough for that launch? Did I really put everything I had into that project, or was I holding myself back because of XYZ? Are my expectations realistic? If you've surrounded yourself with people making 10 million pounds in 10 minutes, with teams of 100 people and you are a one-man band, you might want to look at changing that social circle. When you've had enough and you want to give up making shizzle up might seem easy but never helps anyone and it definitely doesn't help you to take a real look at what is happening and what needs to change.
I deserve to be happy and change my mind. I deserve to have a business that is fulfilling and meets MY idea of success. Only you can decide what that means to you. It might be watching the ££ roll in, or it might be having enough that you can pay for all your kid's classes, it might be so you can work in a different country every month. Only you know what success really means to you, and you deserve to fulfil your dream, not someone else.
I know that I am better than this nonsense going around in my head. I know that it's just a thought and that saying I'm not good enough to myself isn't true. I know what I really want because I've given myself time to reassess, I know I dont really want to work on the phone lines aforementioned...
No one reached their goal over one night. Unless you won the lottery and being rich was your goal.
Whoever got in a car to go somewhere and stopped halfway through the drive??
I recently left my Andover hypnotherapy practice and travelled to Coventry for some training. I didn't give up on the first set of traffic lights because they were red.
Just because there was a horse on the road didn't make me think. “For goodness sake, this is taking too long, I’ll go back.”
I kept on driving because I had someplace to be.
I had a destination at the end of my journey.
You do, too.
This is where that old advice is still relevant. Be present.
BE on your journey. Overcome the obstacles, allow the road to slow you, climb the hills, and if your shoes hurt, take them off, drag your baggage, and continue in the right direction. How great is it going to be when you get there?
Whatever you do, When you've had enough, Stop stopping!
If you want to use hypnosis and a wonderful soup of methodologies to change how you think, have more control and feel calmer, then pop yourself a time in my calendar so we can chat - bring a cuppa if you like - you do not have to live with those negative thoughts and these upsetting feelings. You are allowed to have more control over them than they do you.