Are you allowed to have feelings?
We all have feelings to some extent don’t we? Some of us wear out hearts on our sleeve, some of us bottle it all up and don’t know how to share what we feel. But what about those of us who do have feelings and want to share them but are simply dismissed?
How does it make you feel if someone tells you “cheer up it can’t be that bad” perhaps some aren’t even that nice and tell you, you have a face like a smacked arse.
There are other types of people that can’t stand to see you happy, and feel the need to do or say something to upset that
Do you have to have a reason for your feelings that is acceptable to a 3rd party?
The reason I ask this is because soo many of my clients come in to work with me get emotional when they start talking, but then always finish up saying.
“I know I’m being silly/stupid/dumb/ ridiculous for crying. I should be able to hold it together”
My response is WHY?
Who says that you can’t get upset because something shit happened? Who says you cant FEEL when something has affected you. What does holding it together mean? Bottling things up until there is no capacity left within you to cope?
Someone you may have heard of (Charles Dickens, Great Expectations) once wrote
Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before - more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.
Is it because we have hard hearts that we are embarrassed to cry? I feel better after a good cry, some might say "Thats because crying makes you feel rubbish in the first place, it's hard not to feel better afterwards" but I don't think so. I don't want to be a robot, something mechanical thats 'just so' all of the time, isn't that the joy and flexibility of being human?
Also is there a difference between a tear of sorrow and a tear of joy? Is one more acceptable than the other, or are they both just as embarrassing?
Over to you
I would love to know what you think, so I ask you, are you apologetic over feelings and emotions?
How can you be softer, more gentle towards yourself? Of course, if youwould like to talk about how I may be able to help, dont be afraid to get in touch.